Holidays on Divorce

This is the time of year when every family law case loses its mind. The parents begin to bicker with one another about who sees the children when. Games are played. Police are called. The new boyfriend threatens to beat the ex husband, the new girlfriend starts blogging about the drug use of the ex wife. In general, there is neither peace on earth nor goodwill toward men. Or women.

I'm not a psychologist, so I'm not going to speculate why people seem to feel the Christmas holidays sharper in a divorce than any other time of year. You can probably fill in the blank yourself.

Instead, I want to speak for the forgotten person in these holiday circus acts: The children.

Yeah, your kids. The ones that you made with that person you once thought you were so in love with and now believe is the spawn of the devil.

Your kids love their mother. And their father. They have no choice. They really don't have a spare set lying around.

And here's a revelation for you: Your kids need both of their parents, especially around Christmas time. It's not about the presents. It's not about who gives the better party. Your kids love you. Your kids love your ex. If you're a good parent, it's time you realized that and started acting like it.

So instead of fighting over when the kids were returned on Christmas Day, take a deep breath, know that your children are with someone they love, and chill. Have another egg nog. The kids will return and you'll have plenty of holiday time with them.

And if you're being a grinch about letting your ex see the kids at all over the holidays, or even allowing the ex to talk to them on the phone, my advice again is, chill out. Your kids really, really want to be with your ex today, just like they want to be with you. They can't be with both at the same time (unless you are exceptionally generous hearted, in which case I applaud you and give you massive props for your evolved spirit), so why not let them at least see both of you on the one day out of the year which seems to provoke such high emotions? What does it take out of you? Nothing. What does it give your kids? Everything.

Let there, indeed, be peace on earth. And, this one day at least, goodwill toward all exes.