Monday, May 4, 2009

Fighting the Good Fight

One of the constant strains of family law is the need for catharsis. So many clients come to me hoping that I'll be the hot-shot attorney who gets their ex on the stand and exposes the evil ex's life of drugging, drinking, and chasing wild women. Or men. Or both.

I do my best to discourage the killer instinct in my family law clients. Usually the issue rages over the children--who gets them, who visits them, who has to pay for them. Both sides give a nod to the "needs of the kids," and often I hear from an in-pro-per on the other side (meaning, a person representing his or her self) that "I don't want to deprive the children of their father/mother, but..."

Yes, it's the "but" that sticks in the knife, isn't it? Usually if I probe a little deeper what usually comes out of the in-pro-per parent's mouth is some nasty allegation toward my client. "He hit me." "she's a drug addict." "He never cared about the kids." "She would leave them alone all night while she went out with other men." On and on and on.

I've done a number of family law hearings. It's rare for one side to score a total or even mostly total victory. Usually what happens is that one side or the other gets a little something, but the judge usually ends up giving what I call a "plague on both your houses" speech. The best judge in Humboldt for giving his speech is Judge Wilson, who is a canny and intelligent jurist, one whose acumen for divining human nature never ceases to impress me. After a long hearing he will usually say to the parties, "you both need to work this out because in the middle is a child who needs both of their parents."

I've tried to take a page from Judge Wilson's book whenever I am hired to help with a custody dispute. Oh, I prepare for trial, get loaded for bear and all that; but I'm also usually looking for the way that will preserve both parents' rights to their kids, while trying to fashion a resolution which will make the children as happy as they can be in a bad situation.

Is this bad publicity for me? I suppose there are those out there that would tell me that I should post on this blog nothing but tales of how I smashed the opposition and won the day for my clients. But, as Judge Wilson says, at the end of the day there's a child in between the parties, a child that doesn't understand why mommy and daddy are fighting like dogs over a rubber bone. The child wants to love both parents. Why is that such a terrible thing?