Fighting the Good Fight

One of the constant strains of family law is the need for catharsis. So many clients come to me hoping that I'll be the hot-shot attorney who gets their ex on the stand and exposes the evil ex's life of drugging, drinking, and chasing wild women. Or men. Or both.

I do my best to discourage the killer instinct in my family law clients. Usually the issue rages over the children--who gets them, who visits them, who has to pay for them. Both sides give a nod to the "needs of the kids," and often I hear from an in-pro-per on the other side (meaning, a person representing his or her self) that "I don't want to deprive the children of their father/mother, but..."

Yes, it's the "but" that sticks in the knife, isn't it? Usually if I probe a little deeper what usually comes out of the in-pro-per parent's mouth is some nasty allegation toward my client. "He hit me." "she's a drug addict." "He never cared about the kids." "She would leave them alone all night while she went out with other men." On and on and on.

I've done a number of family law hearings. It's rare for one side to score a total or even mostly total victory. Usually what happens is that one side or the other gets a little something, but the judge usually ends up giving what I call a "plague on both your houses" speech. The best judge in Humboldt for giving his speech is Judge Wilson, who is a canny and intelligent jurist, one whose acumen for divining human nature never ceases to impress me. After a long hearing he will usually say to the parties, "you both need to work this out because in the middle is a child who needs both of their parents."

I've tried to take a page from Judge Wilson's book whenever I am hired to help with a custody dispute. Oh, I prepare for trial, get loaded for bear and all that; but I'm also usually looking for the way that will preserve both parents' rights to their kids, while trying to fashion a resolution which will make the children as happy as they can be in a bad situation.

Is this bad publicity for me? I suppose there are those out there that would tell me that I should post on this blog nothing but tales of how I smashed the opposition and won the day for my clients. But, as Judge Wilson says, at the end of the day there's a child in between the parties, a child that doesn't understand why mommy and daddy are fighting like dogs over a rubber bone. The child wants to love both parents. Why is that such a terrible thing?